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Sophie's Quotations are some of the quotations made by Sophie Kaczynski throughout Season One and Season Two of 2 Broke Girls.

Season 1[]

Sophie: "What is meaning of this horrible horrible note?"

Caroline: "Oh, you're not a man?"

Sophie: "What kind of question is this? Do i look like a man?"

Max: "No,but you clump around up there like a man"

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Sophie: First day in my new home and I’m given this horrible horrible note, with threats!

Caroline: Well, they’re not actually threats.

Sophie: (reads the note) I will gut you like a hog.

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Sophie: Why would I want to come in with your horrible horrible …… ooh! Cupcake Land ooh!

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Caroline: That’s Max and I’m Caroline. You are?

Sophie: Sophie Kaczynski

Caroline: Is that Polish accent I’m detecting?

Sophie: Yes.

Caroline: I visited Warsaw once. I love it.

Sophie: Oh, cause I hate it. Rats & Pimps

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Sophie: Why have you not yet offered me cupcake? It’s the least thing you can do after horrible horrible note.

Caroline: Oh sure, chocolate or vanilla?

Sophie: Yes.

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Caroline: Sorry about the note can we start ov….. You have the Chanel allure lip gloss?

Sophie: Yeah. Mmm you know the Chanel?

Caroline: Know? Love! I can’t afford it anymore.

Sophie: Oh take one! I got handfuls in my bag.

Caroline: Really! Oh that’s nice.

Sophie: (gives Caroline a lip gloss)

Both: Ahhh…

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Han: Welcome to Williamsburg diner. How many in your party?

Sophie: What kind of question is this? One, I am my own party.

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Caroline: Are you ready to order?

Sophie: What kind of question is this? Did you see this horrible horrible menu?

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Sophie: I am building summer house by lake in Poland. You wanna see?

Caroline: Oh you have pictures?

Sophie: No I have house! (takes out her house model from her bag)

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Sophie: You called me prostitute!

Caroline: Actually, It’s kind of a compliment that we thought you were stunning enough that men would pay to have sex with you.

Sophie: (smiles) this is true. Come on in!

And the Upstairs Neighbor

Earl: Well, hello there! (bows)

Sophie: Such a gentleman (and then looks at Han) and what a well behaved boy!

And the Blind Spot

Sophie: (hits Oleg's penis with her magazine) You're gonna act like a dog I'll treat you like a dog.

And the Blind Spot

Caroline: Well here we are!

Sophie: Why is this big news?

And the Blind Spot

Sophie: I smoked for seven years and then quit when I was 12. I didn't want to die of lung cancer before I was a teenager.

And the Blind Spot

Caroline: You think I’m holding Max back?

Sophie: What kind of question is this? Yes.

And the Blind Spot

Caroline: Sophie, I’m so sorry that’s awful, Well that must have been hard I admire your courage.

Sophie: What are you, a counselor from UNICEF?

And the Blind Spot

Sophie: You know what? I know he’s still alive because his manhood is knocking on my lady door.

And the Blind Spot

Sophie: Oh Earl you make me smile. I wish we had black people in Poland when I was growing up.

And the Broken Hearts

Caroline: Sophie you rent a town car?

Sophie: Yes. But only when it’s raining because you know, I got hair extensions & nail extensions, and you know I... I’m too extended to walk.

And the Broken Hearts

Oleg: I want you to come clean.

Sophie: Oh, you cannot get me to come.

Oleg: Oh, I can get you to come.

Sophie: No, I can no longer come anymore.

Oleg: So, No one can get you to come?

Sophie: Well, some people can get me to come….. Just not you

Oleg: Hard to get, I like it.

And the Broken Hearts

Oleg: I have a valentine gift I want to give to you

Sophie: Oh Hepatitis C?

And the Broken Hearts

Season 2[]

Sophie: "Hey Max! Chilly Outside, Nipples everywhere"

And the Egg Special

Sophie: Hi, girls. Are you having a beauty contest and didn't invite me to give the other girls a chance?

And the New Boss

Caroline: (holding a ladle filled with soup) Sophie, open your mouth and put this in.

Sophie: Come on, now you're as bad as Oleg.

Sophie: Hi, girls. I got my period. Yeah, I got killer cramp. It's like I got a tractor in my uterus.

Caroline: Sophie, we are sorry you are not feeling well.

Sophie: Yeah. you know. it's time like this, I think God a b****.

And the High Holidays

Sophie: Hi, everybody. Sophie's here! And look at my new coat. It's double-breasted.

Oleg: Pretty nice,huh? It was a gift from me.

Sophie: It's the only thing he ever gave me that didn't threaten my reproductive health.

And Too Little Sleep

Sophie: I just stopped by to get a cupcake to eat on the way to the gym.

—Sophie, And Not-So-Sweet Charity

Sophie: Uh oh, I think it's getting too real in here for me. I'm gonna go push up my boobs and glue my tooth back on!

—Sophie, And Not-So-Sweet Charity


credits from: cutestgnome.tumblr.com

Sophie: Remember when Madonna was alive? Those were the good old days.

—Sophie, And Not-So-Sweet Charity

Max: Oh,Hey Sophie.

Sophie: Hey, Max. Oh, spring is in the air. This is the time of year in Poland when the snow would melt, and all our dead relatives would float back to us.

Max: I've never been to Europe, but it sounds beautiful.

And the Big Hole

Caroline: Max, this is a quiet room. We have to be quiet.
Sophie: (speaking very loud) Hey Girls! Oh. I'm getting myself some fancy water. Look they got lemon, orange, and cucumber. Ha! It's like a slot machine over here.
Random woman: Shh!
Sophie: (throws something to the woman)

And the Tip Slip

Sophie: Oleg cheated on me and I'm so (screaming) maaaaaaaaaaad! Oh I have to break things! But everything upstairs in my apartment is too nice! So (breaks something) Run a tab girls! (breaks another) Oh I gotta break more! (breaks plates and Max's happy meal toys) I feel better.

And the Window of Opportunity

Season 3[]

Sophie: Hey girls. What's shaking? Not meat, 'cause I am all held in.

Caroline: Sorry Sophie, the cupcake window isn't open during the day.

Sophie: I don't need your life story. I just need a damn cupcake.

Max: Sophie, do you remember the cat that was crying outside out building?

Sophie: Yeah, you put it down?

Caroline: We thought it was a stray, so we tried to find a home for it, but we couldn't.

Sophie: So you put it down?

Max: No! We left it in a really nice neighborhood.

Sophie: Oh, so a rich person put it down?

Caroline: It turns out it wasn't a stray at all. We just met its owner. This is the cat, Sophie. Her name is Jinxy.

Sophie: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute! You remember how I told you, that if you die outside in Poland, you come back as a cat?

Caroline: Yeah, that's kind of hard to forget.

Sophie: Wait, that's not Jinxy.That's my friend Nancy! Look at her! Same green eyes, same notch in the eat, same whiskers.

Caroline: Sophie, I don't think that this is Nancy.

Sophie: Oh, yeah. She and I got into a big fight, and now she's come back to haunt me. She died waiting an apology from me, and now she's back. Guess what, she's not gonna get it!

And the Kitty Kitty Spank Spank

Sophie: Hey girls. Just doing a puzzle and listening to Elvis. You two wan a Mai Tai before get too ty-ty?

Max: No, thanks. But speaking of ty-ty, I was hoping I could snag one of your sleeping pills.

Sophie: Oh sure, I can hook you up. I never use them. I only need 3 hours of sleep at night and 6 during the day. Come on.

Caroline: Sophie, notice anything new?

Sophie: Oh, yeah! You planted more new hair on your head. I heard.

Caroline: Max, you told her?

Max: No, It was on CNN. They led with Syria and then did a solid five on your hair.

Sophie: Here we go, pills and spices.

Max: You have a spice rack filled with pills? You gotta cook me dinner sometime.

Sophie: Let's see. Fish oil, penicillin, amoxicillin ... skittles. Oh, and this is my German pill, in case they release the bomb or I'm ever abandoned in space. Here you go Max. Nighty-night. Oh, you know what? I'm gonna have one too. It's a slumber party! ( She drops her pill ) Oh, oh.

Max: Oh, now you got another rack filled with pills.

Sophie: Yeah, you know what? Don't wait for me Max. this might be a while.

Caroline: Max, do you really need to take that? People do weird things on sleeping pills. My friend Candice Travelsted buttered a wallet and tried to eat it.

Max: Don't worry, I don't have a wallet.

Sophie: Wait a minute! Is that the sleeping pill, or is that my emergency space pill that kills you?

Max: Either way, I will get some shut-eye.

And the Piece of Sheet

Sophie: In Poland, I had this little thing that i would like to tickle before I went to sleep, but my aunt threw it away.

Caroline: What was it?

Sophie: My cousin, Nora.

And the Piece of Sheet

Caroline: Oh, it was just Sophie.

Sophie: Just Sophie? That was the name of my talk show in Poland.

Max: Oh.. How I wish I could be a guest on that show.

Sophie: No, they were no guests, it was just Sophie!

And the 'It' Hole

Sophie: Yeah, and I get you a big grab bag of condoms. Yup, I got all sizes. I got magnum, I got super magnum, I got regular and, 'He's got a great personality.'

Max: Usually the I have great personality is the only birth control I need.

Caroline: Thank you but I am a lady and I won't be using these until our third date.

Sophie: Well, you better hurry up and get dressed!

Caroline: Sophie, I'm already dressed!

Sophie: You are?!

Caroline: And I like what I am wearing.

Sophie: You do?! Well, just put on a little make up.

Caroline: I'm fully made up.

Sophie: You are?! Well, you know, maybe when you do your hair?

Caroline: Okay, I'm a little behind on my hair, my boobs are a bigger project than I thought..

And the 'It' Hole

Sophie: Caroline please, I can't hear Han talking about Max okay?

And the First Day of School

Sophie: (to Luis) Oh unlimited rides, is that what your tramp stamp say?

And the First Day of School

Sophie: (to Caroline) Really, cause you kinda bully us all into it.

And the First Day of School

Caroline: "Sophie, on your tax form here, you listed your occupation as 'Sophie'"

Sophie: "Yeah, it's a full-time job, baby"

And the Wedding Cake Cake Cake